What’s working?
What’s working?
Such a powerful question and potentially one many of us could benefit from more frequently revisiting.
I've observed that in coaching and the “self-help” space when people talk about “doing the work” many quickly over-extend themselves: believing that a total upheaval of everything is necessary. Perhaps it’s understandable that when we seriously start to explore what’s not working, the scale expands quickly. Suddenly instead of renovating the metaphorical kitchen of our life, we have taken the whole metaphorical house apart at the foundation and now we are standing on the lawn with pieces of the house around us and we are bemoaning: “I can’t live here!!”
Stick with me and this metaphor. I want to acknowledge the house has many great rooms already. I want to fix a few leaks yes, rearrange some furniture, sure, put up some new art...but the house already has good bones, you know?
I’ve written about my rejection of the idea that people are broken and need fixing (see here) and yet I understand that people attracted to the coaching space are usually looking for "tangible change." I've noticed time and again that humans "starting the work" begin to question everything and start to equate tangible change with total change. Even that language – "the work" – has a certain monumental energy to it, an over-sized intention.
And of course in the coaching space we talk about what’s not working, what could be better, and what the impact of particular changes would be. We zoom to the future and ask our future self what the changes we are contemplating now might mean for our lives later. We examine the impact of not changing. We connect the changes we crave to the values we hold: are we living aligned with our values? What would living life “on purpose” mean for us?
I suspect it’s a radical idea to suggest you can be inviting change while also saying: “I am already whole, I am already enough.” But…what if?!
What happens if we start with the exploration of what is working?
A few other phrasings:
What feels confidently in flow?
What doesn’t need fixing?
What already brings joy?
What, right now, is supporting me really well?
I'm curious about the expansion that occurs when we focus on what doesn't need to be fixed.
Here’s (a not comprehensive reflection on) what’s working in my world:
Nettle tea in the morning. Asking my sweetie if they’d make me breakfast. Inviting in more help in general. Reducing screen time, particularly while eating. Listening to and reading more books! And connecting to the younger absolutely-consumed-by-reading-bookworm part of myself – the self that would read curled up in a chair until her mom stood over her and said, “Sara get your face out of that book! I have been calling you to the dinner table for 15 minutes!” Honoring the part of me that craves getting so immersed in other worlds. Making the writing and sending of this newsletter incredibly low pressure. Consciously and consistently calling for a ceasefire. Curiosity, always. Examining how I can call people in instead of calling them out. Switching my self-talk from: “I have to do this” to “I get to do this.” Making my own bread (and pita and focaccia) and reflecting on the possibility that making, baking, cooking, and creating are primal parts of me. Taking breaks to pet Pearl the dog and gaze into her soulful eyes. Allowing my mind to change again and again and again. Being a bird nerd with feeders in her yard, that she can happily watch through the kitchen window. Planting an imperfectionist garden and marveling at the veggies co-mingling with the weeds.
Quick observation: writing without overthinking about what’s working filled me with a palpable aliveness. And I want more of that feeling! So I suppose I’ll keep inviting myself into reflection on this potent question of what doesn’t need fixing.
Join me! What’s working for you, right now?
